So it’s been a while

Moving this weekend…  Downsizing my closet,  not me.  Some of these clothes I have been hanging onto for YEARS!!!!!  I don’t fit them anymore. Had hoped I would again. But I have been in this food and weight battle for 25+ years!!!!  And I keep getting bigger. . . WTF?  If it wasn’t my body being my obsession, it was the hatred inside for the person I was/am. Ridiculous.  I want off this ride.  .  . How? 

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What a difference … 12 years ago and I remember the disgust, anger, and yearning. 
What has changed? 
1.  I am less self-conscious about my body and wear mostly what is comfortable vs what makes my body look most presentable to the world. 
2.  When I wear these clothes I am more forgiving (good days) or resigned (sour days) when the humpy-bumpies show… Instead of melting into a cesspool of bubbling loathing.
3.  I am almost nonjudgmental of other women and how they choose to clothe their bodies.
4.  I am more of a take-what-u-get woman when it comes to what’s available for purchase instead of being adventurous in my clothing selections or upcycling.
5.  I appreciate sturdy shoes and have resigned myself to the fact that it’s better for me to have support than cute red kicks.

… I still want to be smaller.  Wait,  I still want MY BODY to be smaller.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

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