Moving this weekend… Downsizing my closet, not me. Some of these clothes I have been hanging onto for YEARS!!!!! I don’t fit them anymore. Had hoped I would again. But I have been in this food and weight battle for 25+ years!!!! And I keep getting bigger. . . WTF? If it wasn’t my body being my obsession, it was the hatred inside for the person I was/am. Ridiculous. I want off this ride. . . How?
What a difference … 12 years ago and I remember the disgust, anger, and yearning.
What has changed?
1. I am less self-conscious about my body and wear mostly what is comfortable vs what makes my body look most presentable to the world.
2. When I wear these clothes I am more forgiving (good days) or resigned (sour days) when the humpy-bumpies show… Instead of melting into a cesspool of bubbling loathing.
3. I am almost nonjudgmental of other women and how they choose to clothe their bodies.
4. I am more of a take-what-u-get woman when it comes to what’s available for purchase instead of being adventurous in my clothing selections or upcycling.
5. I appreciate sturdy shoes and have resigned myself to the fact that it’s better for me to have support than cute red kicks.
… I still want to be smaller. Wait, I still want MY BODY to be smaller.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo