Walked 1.5 mile with my 4 year old today. Between both of us needing breaks, stopping at 2 playgrounds, watching bullfrogs and turtles, and riding a glass elevator to the top of a parking garage and down again, it took us 2 hours! It was nearly 75F this morning. We brought ice water and sweated a lot. Well, I sweated a lot! The pic above was taken by my little boy this morning. In review of pics taken today, I was really embarrassed by this one. The way my clothes are so tight around my fat. A sausage. My big arms flattened and just hanging our there!
I felt comfortable in my clothes. My shoes were supportive.
I had on sunblock.
My little boy still hugged me, looked at me with love, wanted to take my picture, and held my hand the whole way.
And still I came home later to catch myself berating my body, my inability to “stick to it” and lose weight, and how lazy I must be blah blah blah… so because I am such an awful person I am not a fit mother… and don’t deserve to have such a loving and supportive little family.
Whoa! What ruining internal dialogue! What heartfelt sneaky shame! But it’s there. . . probably the surge of exercise endorphins depleted? Regardless, I recognized it, was shocked, and did my best to dismiss it. Vigilance is required to keep this shit at bay.
So I chant to master my mind and allow my heart freedom to manifest. Daily.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo